Our ego is a curious beast, that most of us don’t realise its existence, yet we are under its mercy. We usually associate calling someone a beast with behaving in a selfish, unkind, or unpleasant way. Words associated with a beast include animal, monster, creature, demon, vampire etc.
- The beast likes security, certainty, and repetition. It makes us feel comfortable by reinforcing an idealised version of ourselves. If people threaten that illusion, we turn them into an enemy. That’s why ego-driven people engage in constant battles, so they can protect their fragile fantasy of who they are.
- The beast is born out of fear and isolation. It creates our identity and separates us from those around us when we were a child. Before we could recognise our existence, we began to see others strongly. We want to conquer others, creating a snowballing effect that feeds passion, aggression, and ignorance.
- The funny part is that we fight to keep an image of ourselves that no one buys into, except us.The beast not only blinds us but also makes others blind. We try to impose our possibilities over others, and whatever we see; we want others to see too. We believe our vision of the world is the only view of the world.
- The illusion of self goes beyond having an unrealistic vision of who we are. We try to stick to that image forever. We try to hold to the illusion that ourselves is permanent, but life is fluid, not rigid. We are continually changing, and our sense of existence is not permanent. We can’t carry our personality to the next life.
- Most of us will do whatever to protect our illusion of self. When we experience something unpleasant that might hurt our idealised identity, we fight back. The ideas that we’ve constructed about ourselves are fixed. We overreact to criticism because we’ve built our reputation on one idealised trait and if people dislike it, we feel our whole identity would collapse.
- We must get rid of the illusion of who we are, and not of the ego.Let go of the constructed ideas of who we are. Most of them were created when we were a child. We turned something very good or bad about ourselves into our identity and balancing the beast is accepting all our sides, rather than exaggerating one.
- Egolessness is a healthy state of mind. It means freedom and we liberate ourselves from the anxiety to defend the illusion of who we are. It doesn’t mean to get rid of the beast but of the illusion self. We must undo habitual patterns that we’ve developed for years.
- The beast is not the enemy, the idealised image of us is. Defending an illusion is a draining and useless battle. Stop pretending and start accepting. This time of the year rather than just reflecting on our achievements, spend some time reflecting on who we are. Get rid of the illusion of the perfect self.
Becoming more mindful is essential. Mindfulness helps us neither to cling to what’s pleasant nor to condemn what’s unpleasant. We don’t buy into the illusion of the beast because we are more than that. We can separate the stimulus from our emotional reaction and choose how to react.
Self-Love.
To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance, and we must never allow someone to be our priority while allowing ourselves to be their option. If we have no confidence in ourselves, we are twice defeated in the race of life. We must be okay on our own before we can be okay with someone else.
- The quality of our life is the quality of our relationships, and that includes our relationship with ourselves. Learning how to fall in love with ourselves is essential to our happiness, to our success in relationships and to the way we interact with the world. That’s because what we put out into the world; we get back tenfold.
- When we fall in love with ourselves, we’ll naturally spread that love out into the world, improving the quality of our life and others. When we love ourselves, we receive more love in return. When we exude confidence and joy, we attract others with the same zest for living. This improves the quality of our relationships, which improves our life. The cycle is clear, and it all starts with falling in love with ourselves.
- Self-love is the blueprint to the foundation of a house. If the builder takes care, using durable, quality materials then the home will weather any storm. If he builds it out of cards; even a mild breeze will topple it. Loving ourselves is the foundation for a flourishing future.
- Our words are a vehicle for expressing and sharing our experiences with others, and how we speak to ourselves directly influences how we experience things in life. If our internal self-talk is negative, chances are that our external experiences will be negative as well. The words we attach to our experience become our experience. Words have a biochemical effect on our bodies. The minute we use a word like devastated, we’re going to produce a very different biochemical effect than if we say, I’m a bit disappointed.
- Our physical state which includes our posture, breath and movement is the key to our emotional state. If we don’t feel confident, adjust our bodies. Straighten our spine and throw our shoulders back. Raise our head high. Smile. Get in a power pose, like standing with our head raised and our arms in a “V” shape or crossed behind our head. These actions send signals to our brains that we’re proud and confident. And when we feel that way, it’s easy to fall in love with ourselves.
- Our most important relationship is true with ourselves, but that doesn’t mean allowing negativity into our life. Surround ourselves with people who care about us and think the best of us. Use the cardinal rules of love to create healthy relationships that bring positivity to our lives and let go of any relationships that aren’t supportive and caring. We won’t just fall in love with ourselves, we’ll find our whole life improves.
Guided meditation takes the practice of meditation a step further by adding a coaching element to the process. That is, a third party, whether it be a yoga instructor, meditation guru or even just an audio recording, leads us through the steps of meditation, guiding us through the physical and mental process of achieving holistic relaxation. By taking the guesswork out of learning how to meditate, guided meditation can help us master the art and practice of meditation in less time than it might have taken if we had tried to meditate without guidance.
Fear.
Fear is the word we use to describe our emotional reaction to something that seems dangerous. But the word “fear” is used in another way, too: to name something a person often feels afraid of. We fear things or situations that make us feel unsafe or unsure. For instance, someone who isn’t a strong swimmer might have a fear of deep water.
- The roller coaster hesitates for a split second at the peak of its steep track after a long, slow climb. We know what’s about to happen and there’s no way to avoid it now. It’s time to hang onto the handrail, palms sweating, heart racing, and brace ourselves for the wild ride down.
- Sometimes it’s a very helpful thing that keeps us from harm. But many times, it’s an inner voice and barrier that keeps us stuck. That keeps us from getting what we want and becoming who we honestly deep down want to be.
- Fear is one of the most basic human emotions. It is programmed into the nervous system and works like an instinct. From the time we’re infants, we are equipped with the survival instincts necessary to respond with fear when we sense danger or feel unsafe.
- It helps protect us. It makes us alert to danger and prepares us to deal with it. Feeling afraid is very natural and helpful in some situations. Fear can be like a warning, a signal that cautions us to be careful. Like all emotions, fear can be mild, medium, or intense, depending on the situation and the person. A feeling of fear can be brief, or it can last longer.
Certain fears are normal if they are a natural reaction to feeling unsure and vulnerable and when we experience something new and unfamiliar. Young kids often have fears of the dark, being alone, strangers, monsters or other scary imaginary creatures. School-aged kids might be afraid when it’s stormy or at a first sleepover. As they grow and learn, with the support of adults, most kids can slowly conquer these fears and outgrow them.
Cynicism.
Cynicism is an attitude of suspicion where we believe the future is bleak and others are acting only out of self-interest. An example of cynicism is when we always think the worst and have a hard time seeing the good in anyone. It is part of a defensive posture we take to protect ourselves.
- It’s typically triggered when we feel hurt by or angry at something, and instead of dealing with those emotions directly, we allow them to fester and skew our outlook. It is a style of presenting oneself, and it takes pride more than anything is not being fooled and not being foolish.
- It refers to doubt or disbelief in the professed motives, sincerity, and goodness of others, and, by extension, in social and ethical norms and values. This attitude is often accompanied by mistrust, scorn, and pessimism about others and humanity.
- Each of us has an evolutionary primitive part of the brain which is often referred to as our lizard brain. This part of our brain, which focuses on survival, has four needs: familiarity, habits, control and being right. The lizard brain equates survival with our being in places and situations which feel familiar, sticking to effective habits of living and thinking, being in control of our environment, and protecting our ego.
- And in small doses, cynicism like the lizard brain has its uses. For instance, when a parent tells a child not to take candy from strangers, the parent is teaching the child to distrust the motives of a stranger to keep the child safe.
- The lizard brain is very aggressive at scanning for threats and humans have developed an aversion to lose that keeps us vigilant in trying to protect ourselves from threats, real or not. So, if we distrust everyone, then we can never be at a loss or be fooled by anyone. If we automatically doubt their sincerity or motives, we can protect our egos from feeling threatened.
- At the root of any lack of belief in others is a lack of belief in oneself. It is not normal to sell ourselves short, or anyone else for that matter. Cynicism is not inherent in our nature but born from our injuries of long ago. When well nurtured, they spend the rest of their lives growing.
- Our early experiences of confusion fear and injustice can yield adult-sized blind spots sheltering us not only from the goodness and inspiration around us but from the real power and potential within ourselves. Pain and struggle keep our heads down, having us repeat old patterns and enforcing limits. It is history that keeps us reactive rather than risking fresh, new, creative responses. While the worst consequence of this is how we sell ourselves short, equally tragic is how we participate in holding others back.
Rather than being realistic or pragmatic, cynicism is truly destructive. It is the pre-occupation of a hurt child imagining as reality a less dynamic world. It is the embodiment of a lack of belief dressed up with credibility and momentum it neither earned nor deserved. It is not cynicism but creativity, love, risk, and interconnectedness that have always moved mountains and touched hearts. These should be what defines our world and every move we make in it.