This proverb expresses three different emotions: happiness, prejudice, and resignation. Those sentiments reach my heart in three different moments. Initially, I cannot see the negative aspects of a thing that appears to be perfect, but, as time goes by, the defects and the imperfections come up clearly, until what seemed to be perfect becomes something common that disappoints me.
Each pleasant aspect is represented by the rose and so it is my first impression of a person, while the negative consequences are represented by the thorns, which are impossible to see until I hold the flower with my hands.
Abraham Lincoln once said, “We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.” Thorns guarantee the roses’ survival from the threats humans and animals face. They often curve downwards to prevent animals from climbing up and eating the rose., if I just learn to put the true value on the thorns I come across in life, I will become the rose I am designed to be much easier and quicker.
An example of how thorns have roses is the experience commonly referred to as “the runners high”. After intense physical exertion, runners experience a sense of euphoria that has been linked to the production of opioids, a neurochemical that is also released in response to pain. It may not be a pleasurable experience itself, but it builds my pleasure in ways that pleasure alone simply cannot achieve.
I try to think about this every time discomfort shows up in my body or mind. I think about it when a friend says something to me that I don’t like or when I feel sad that something didn’t turn out the way that I thought it would. I even think about it when my upper back aches after a long day of pushing myself to the physical and mental limits.
Though the urge to problem-solve my way out of pain never goes away, I bring myself back to the knowledge that I’m supposed to feel uncomfortable, that this discomfort is trying to tell me something if I’m just willing to listen.
Thorns and discomfort become opportunities to learn and grow when viewed this way. Even if a life without discomfort was possible, it wouldn’t be desirable. If I pay attention and maintain an open mind, every experience of discomfort is a chance to understand myself and the world a bit better. I could even make the changes I need in life.
So, I don’t try to forget that I’m a human. And I remind the people that I care about to remember that they’re humans too. I return to the truth that none of us like being uncomfortable is a part of being a person. I get curious about the thorns that show up. I shift positions, and I learn.
Sometimes people forget that I’m human. An imperfect, sometimes anxious, often tired, accidentally invalidating, blind spot driven, limited human being. When life resists me, I get stronger, and I get wiser, and I turn into roses that can be kept and that will last.
What might happen if I were to become curious about this pain I am meant to experience instead? When I quit a challenge, I am abandoning any opportunity to work with this distressed part of myself and still move forward, even with the pain present. Thorns imply that something is wrong with my life. It shows me that I need to act to change how I live and to stop doing some things and start doing other ones.
Therefore, thorns are not bad, contrary to what most people believe. It is my teacher. Only by paying attention to the thorns, can I discover my roses, because it urges me to find out why it’s there and how to get rid of them.
Thorn means problems, and to solve problems I need to become more intelligent. Hence, if I study the history of mankind, I will find that the greatest minds to have walked on earth were those most sensitive to pain. It pushed those individuals to ask new questions and seek answers (as well as to doubt old ones). It pushed them to see life from an entirely different perspective.
Never try to make sense of a situation while I am in it, I must focus on surviving it and not understanding it because the pain is so intense and so personal and so deep that I only understand in hindsight when I look back at it and say it was good for me after the event and not while I was going through it.
The idea of crushing grapes in their original state would only last one season. it would rot on the vine but if I crush it and let it ferment it would last for hundreds of years. There’s something that happens to me when I am crushed that gives me resilience and tenacity that I wouldn’t have if I hadn’t gone through that experience.
It is the thorns that prickle me, the neglect or the absence that made me who I am. It is the thing that opposes me in the weight room that causes me to build muscles. The resistance training. I don’t need the weights to cooperate with me, I need them to resist me so when life resists me, I get stronger and I get wiser and I turn into something that can be a captain that will last.
Incense is an aromatic biotic material that releases fragrant smoke when burnt. It is roots that were crushed and the aroma only escaped as the roots were being crushed. There is an aroma that escapes my heart when I trust people who have not been crushed. They cannot access, verbalise, or express their feelings of compassion or empathy to influence my mind. Sometimes it’s dangerous to give power to people with no empathy when I need somebody who can be touched by my pain.