The 94th Academy Awards ceremony will be remembered for a long time because of one incident: Actor Will Smith slapping comedian Chris Rock for making a joke about his wife Jada Pinkett-Smith.
Host Chris Rock made a joke about Jada Pinkett-Smith, comparing her tightly cropped hair to Demi Moore’s appearance in “GI Jane”. “Jada, I love you. GI Jane 2 can’t wait to see it, all right,” he said.
At this point, actor Will Smith stood up, walked up to the comedian, and slapped him. He returned to his seat and shouted, “Keep my wife’s name out of your f*****g mouth.” This caused the broadcasters in the United States to beep out several seconds of audio.
Arrogance is a personality trait whereby we have an obnoxiously elevated sense of self-worth. We act superior, more worthy, and more important than others. Therefore, we may disrespect and put others down when we feel offended by their words or actions.
At the same time, we want admiration and respect from others. We want to be appreciated for the things we have done and for our qualities and abilities. Doing something extraordinary that very few people have done boosts our self-worth. When we find that others haven’t accomplished nearly as much, we tend to look down on them.
Arrogance is a need to look good. When we make others look bad even if it is the slightest offence, we are usually mad at them. This happens when others question (or at least seem to question) an appearance, intelligence, athletic abilities, or anything else relating to our self-image.
Symptoms of arrogance include intolerance of people different from ourselves, inability to see different points of view, extremely harsh criticism of those we don’t like, inability to form long-lasting relationships, and general narcissism.
Mention people we don’t like and there is a conflict of interest that gauges our rivalries, annoyances, and enemies. We see people we don’t like as threats to our perfect little world. The more we hate someone, the more dangerous that person is to our fantasy land. And in turn, the bigger the threat, the harsher the criticism.
An enormous amount of vulnerability tends to hide behind arrogance. This leads to overcompensating so that the vulnerability is deeply suppressed. For example, if we grew up poor but later become rich, we may be snobbish about everything we can now afford because we are covering up the fear of poverty from our past.
Intellectual arrogance is the tendency in us to regard a belief as true simply because it is our own belief. Our beliefs are valuable possessions that we’re not willing to give up. It contributes to our sense of self-worth. So, losing them would mean losing our identity and worthiness. And we dread nothing more.
When it comes to dealing with arrogant people, they nearly always have something to protect, either their self-image or their self-centred universe. If they get the impression that we’re questioning either one, they will dislike us. Learn to live with that because it isn’t about us at all; it’s totally about their inability to control us.
Remember that there’s a big difference between being assertive and arrogant. Equally, some people are very anxious rather than arrogant, and it is anxiety that causes them to dominate a conversation or try to prove themselves as good as us.
We can tell the difference by looking for empathy. An assertive or nervous person will check for our responses and even ask questions, while an arrogant person will completely ignore our needs and will continue to lack respect for our perspective.
Even though it is hard, don’t hate arrogant people. They’re usually trying to hide a painful past, an aspect of themselves they don’t like, or have been seriously hurt by other people. Remember that they could be hurt by the same things that have hurt us, but they’re simply addressing their pain in the wrong (unhealthy) way. Instead of resolving it, they’re hiding it. This pain can express itself as arrogance, among many other things.